I am a Novelist. (An Affirmation for the Creative Heart)
I’m really proud of my body of work.
For nearly ten years, I’ve been whittling myself a little corner of the literary market, writing what I want, how I want. It makes me happy at the end of the day that none of it makes me cringe or embarrasses me in some way.
Sure, there were improvements in style and content — but that comes with the territory. People improve the longer they work in their craft.
And that’s what it is, you know. Writing is a craft. It’s a discipline. It takes time and effort and care to produce and what you end up with is this little nugget of gold that’s ready to be given to the world.
Sure, there may be flaws, but it’s real gold. It’s not gilded. It’s not fake. None of it is ‘dialed in’ or ‘ripped off,’ and people respond to that.
My reviews bear that out. I’ve read each one of them, sometimes repeatedly when I’m feeling down, or I need to remind myself just what it is I am capable of.
It’s funny, really, because I don’t talk about my craft that much in the’ real world.’ I don’t know why I don’t.
Maybe it’s because I am a better writer than I am a speaker. Perhaps it’s because I don’t have writers around me that understand what all goes into creating a novel. Or maybe it’s because I can hear the questions in their mind or behind their eyes about money, success, and fame.
And that’s sad, really. It’s those same people who would snicker about a degree in ‘women’s studies’ or ‘philosophy’ or ‘English Literature’ because, to them, education is to earn a degree. And to earn a degree means a bigger paycheck. It’s a means to an end.
There’s no love, no urge to create, no desire to know, and, more importantly, be known. Be understood. To look up at the stars and wonder. How do people function without that? What does that look like?
I may be as tough as shoe leather. But that’s because I care about what I do and who I work for, and the quality of work I turn out.
I demand the best from myself and my work.
My name is F.E. Feeley Jr., and I’m a goddamn novelist, and that’s fucking cool.
